7 Tips For Making A Long Distance Relationship Work
One moment I’m partying in Vegas and the next I’m hopping on a flight from Ottawa to Minneapolis to visit my new boyfriend. Was this situation planned? No. Was it ideal? No.
Long distance relationships aren’t anyone’s first choice and they have their own host of problems, but they can work. Here are a few tips and things to consider if you are in, or are considering entering into, a long distance relationship.
Still looking for your special someone? You might like: How to Approach Women: Lines to Avoid and General Tips or Optimize Your Online Dating Profile by Avoiding These 13 Mistakes.
1. Is This Really What You Want?
This may seem pessimistic, but before deciding if a LDR is right for you, consider the extra amount of effort, and oftentimes money, that the relationship will require.
Are you able and willing to drive a few hours every weekend to visit your SO, or hop on a flight every few weeks to another country?
Are you someone who can remain happy without physical contact? (Is your love language physical touch? Find out with this free quiz).
The most important thing is to be truthful and realistic with yourself and your expectations for the relationship.
2. Make A Plan
Once you know that you’re both willing to do what it takes to make the relationship work then it’s time to make a plan.
Discuss how often you will see one another: once a week? once a month? Consider the details of these encounters: is one person always coming to visit the other? Are travel costs split between the both of you? It’s helpful to discuss all of the details in the beginning so there is no confusion or disappointment later on.
When my boyfriend and I first started dating, we were a four hours of international flight-time apart. After talking it over, we agreed that it made the most sense for me to visit him as he had a house (unlike myself who rented a room in an apartment), and for us to alternate paying for the cost of the roundtrip flight.
Having a discussion about these things alleviated some of the stress that we both felt about entering into a LDR.
3. Develop Trust
This is one of the hardest things about LDRs, especially if the relationship starts long-distance and you haven’t had the opportunity to spend a lot of time together.
People have trust issues for a variety of reasons (such as a bad past relationship) and unfortunately, being apart from your significant other can increase the amount of anxiety and insecurity felt by either partner.
While trust is integral to any successful relationship, a LDR requires that it be developed in a shorter amount of time and that it is secure enough to withstand the distance.
Quick Tips for Increasing Trust
Follow through on promises: if you can’t commit to doing something, then don’t.
Work on open communication: don’t keep any secrets from one another.
Keep the other person’s secrets: if they tell you something in confidence, don’t go dishing about it to your friends.
Be supportive: let your partner know that you’ve got their back and that they can be vulnerable with you.
4. Stay Connected
Physical distance between you and your partner can really suck sometimes but that doesn’t mean you can’t do things together.
Find a show on Netflix that you’re both interested in and watch it together. Read the same book. Snapchat your day to each other. Play games with one another on the phone or computer. Tag each other in memes on social media.
Technology is your friend in a LDR; utilize it!
Show your significant other that you’re thinking of them by sending them a thoughtful gift. Check out 12 Gift Ideas Your Significant Other Will Love in 2018 for some inspiration!
5. Don’t Worry About Making Each Visit Perfect
Going a long time without seeing one another can create pressure for perfection during the time you do spend together. Don’t overthink it or over-schedule your time together. Enjoy your time sleeping in, cooking together, or just talking.
6. Make the Time Apart Count
Keep in touch via phone, text, skype, whatever works best for you, while also using the time apart to be productive and work your passions.
Entering into a long distance relationship prior to my final semester of university actually made it my best semester of my entire undergraduate degree experience. I was able to focus and do things on my own schedule while still having a great support system.
7. Have Something to Look Forward To
By this I mean two things.
First, plan your time together as soon as you can. When the time you have together is coming to an end be sure to plan your next meeting then, and create a countdown on your phone.
Having a countdown helped me so much when I felt like it was going to be forever until I could see my boyfriend again. The app I use can be found here. You can customize a photo slideshow and song to play when viewing the countdown which is great when you need a pick-me-up.
Secondly, you can’t do long distance forever. Discuss with your partner what the long-term goal is. Is one of you going to relocate? Both of you? Give yourselves something to look forward to in terms of when you can be together.
Questions to Consider
Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? What advice would you give to someone considering if it is the right thing for them?