How to Approach Women: Lines to Avoid and General Tips
Approaching women can be a daunting task and many men are uncertain of how to go about it successfully.
How do you initiate a conversation that could lead to a potential date? Is your opening line really doing you more harm than good?
Here you’ll find a list of ways in which you should not approach a woman followed by advice on how to do so in a way that will make women more comfortable and open to your interaction leading to more potential dates.
Let me preface this by saying that I am not a relationship coach and that my advice comes from my personal experience. That’s not to say I wouldn’t consider myself a valuable source of information because, like many women my age, I’m no stranger to the dating game and the huge portion of men who don’t quite understand how to play.
Whether you’re seeking some practical advice, or just looking for an interesting read, I hope you find these tips helpful.
Already have a special someone? Show them how much you care by reading, 12 Gift Ideas That Your Significant Other Will Love in 2018.
10 Pick-Up Lines to Avoid
1. “Do I Know You From Somewhere?”
This is one that I used to hear all the time while out with my girlfriends and that I find to be really ineffective. There is a huge potential for it to back-fire if the girl you approach isn’t from the area (the chance you’ve ever actually crossed paths becomes extremely slim –this has happened to me multiple times) and it becomes obvious that this is just a pick-up technique.
Opening with this line tells the girl absolutely nothing about yourself and makes it easy for her to deny the claim and dismiss you.
A general rule of thumb: avoid opening with lines that can be answered with a simple yes or no.
2. “What’s Your Nationality?”
I cannot imagine a scenario where this question from a complete stranger would not make me uncomfortable. I’m not sure when guys decided that this might be a good strategy but it’s too odd and invasive to be effective.
Personal questions such as this should be avoided as its unlikely a woman wants to provide information like this to a complete stranger. Save questions like this for a first-date.
3. “You Look Just Like My Ex-Girlfriend/Sister/Mom…”
Mentioning your ex-girlfriend when approaching a woman screams ‘I’m not over her’ and comparing a girl that you’re interested in to any female member of your family is probably the most cringe-worthy thing you can do.
No woman is going to be interested in a guy that might have the hots for his sister or thinks that she looks old enough to be his mother.
General tip: don’t open with a statement, stick to open-ended questions that initiate conversation.
4. “Do You Come Here Often?”
At least try to be original and avoid using lines like this one. If you do choose to break the ice by using the environment as a talking point, phrase the question in a way that is more specific to that environment so you don’t sound cliché.
5. “Do You Have A Boyfriend?”
While I can understand why men choose this approach as it is the most straight-forward, it’s a little too quick-to-the-punch. If she does have a boyfriend and replies yes, then no harm is done and you’ve saved yourself some time, effort, and possible embarrassment of pursuing her.
However, if she doesn’t have a boyfriend (she’s a girl you may actually have a chance with) then this technique totally backfires. Asking a single woman if she is single before you have said anything else to her can make her think a few things…
(1) That you’re being so straight-forward because you’re only looking for a quick hook-up/one-night stand (if you are, then whatever
And (2) you’re too lazy to put in any effort without knowing if it can benefit you (laziness is not attractive… hope this isn’t a wake up call
While this makes an awful opening-line, don’t be afraid to ask after initiating a conversation and exchanging names, etc.
6. “You Have The Nicest Ass/Boobs/…”
While some compliments can be flattering, focusing on areas of the body like these comes across as shallow and creepy. Even if the woman you’re approaching does obviously do her squats, it’s extremely hard to make any mention of it without coming across as a douche-bag.
General tip: be cautious when complimenting physical features, instead compliment an area that reflects more of the woman’s personality like “you have a great laugh” or “I like your style”.
7. “You’re Too Pretty to… ”
Too pretty to be here alone… to be wearing that outfit…to be eating/drinking that much, or any variation of back-handed compliment is a NO. Has this ever worked? Slightly offending the girl you’re trying to pick-up is not the best strategy (or any strategy for that matter?).
8. “I Saw You Looking At Me”
0.154 seconds of unintentional eye-contact while the woman was scanning the room is not a signal of interest. In addition to this line being awful in that it’s a statement instead of an open-ended question, it is based entirely around a misguided perception.
Men are notorious for not being able to read subtle signs of interest from women, so let’s de-mystify eye contact as a means of flirting…
Mark Manson does a fantastic job of this in his article, “The Levels of Eye Contact” and it’s sure to make you laugh.
This one is for the guy that approaches but never actually approaches. By this I mean that he spots a woman from across the room, makes his way into her proximity, but doesn’t say anything.
Talking to women can be nerve-wracking, so if you find yourself hesitating, that’s okay; however, don’t hang around watching or waiting for the ‘perfect moment’ to make your move. There isn’t going to be a perfect moment and hanging around near her for an extended period of time is creepy.
Say hello, or don’t, just don’t hang out in limbo when you could be enjoying your time.
10. Anything Cliché
Some women enjoy corny pick-up lines but their effectiveness is so largely determined by factors like the delivery and the setting that I would suggest avoiding them altogether.
Here are a few examples that ride the line between humorous and embarrassing…
“You’re like my asthma, you take my breath away”
“Is your name wifi? Because I’m sensing a strong connection here”
“If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put the letters you and I together”
“Let’s commit the perfect crime together. I’ll steal your heart and you can steal mine”
“I think you might be suffering from a lack of vitamin me”
“Did you buy your pants on sale? At my place they’d be 100% off”
“How much does a polar bear weigh?…”
“Excuse me but I think you dropped something… my jaw”
“Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?”
Now that you know what doesn’t work, let me provide you with a few tips to make you more successful when approaching women.
Try These 10 Tips
1. Keep It Simple
Say hello, introduce yourself, shake her hand.
2. Be Polite
Avoid lewd or overly sexual compliments or gestures. Don’t touch her in any way before you’ve established trust (i.e. don’t touch her at all during your first encounter) and don’t stare at her.
3. Be Selective
While approaching every girl in the bar may increase your odds of obtaining a phone number or two, it makes you appear desperate or like a ‘player’ and generally less desirable.
4. Be Patient
Try to approach her when she isn’t surrounded by a group of friends as this is the best way to get her attention and to ensure that her friends don’t influence her response.
5. Be Mindful of the Situation
Don’t approach her if she appears to be in a hurry, if she has headphones in/is on the phone, or if she is at work.
6. Be Confident
…Or at least appear to be (fake it ’til ya make it). Keep your head up, chest out, walk with a purpose, and speak loud enough that she doesn’t need to ask you to repeat yourself.
7. Be Sincere
If you are going to compliment her, mean it. Also, don’t fabricate any aspects of your life to gain her attention.
8. Avoid Catcalling
This should be obvious. It’s inappropriate and usually makes women want to slap you in the mouth rather than go out with you.
9. Know Where You Stand
Literally and figuratively, do not stand in doorways or block exits to make the woman feel as though she is trapped and has to talk to you. If you’re sensing that she isn’t into you, walk away.
10. Don’t Worry About Rejection
Easier said than done, right? Some women are just not interested regardless of who may try to approach them so don’t take it personally. There are plenty of fish in the sea! (Cliché’s aren’t off limits in blog articles).
You know what to avoid and what to be mindful of, now the rest is up to you.
No set of rules or message of advice is ever going to be completely accurate as everyone is different. I’m confident that the pick-up lines I mentioned have, in some cases, been the conversation starters to happy marriages (really though?); however, my goal with this guide is to provide a general guideline to steer men away from ruining their chances with a girl within the first few seconds of their interaction.
Let’s face it -you men need all the help you can get.
Let’s Talk: What’s the worst pick-up line you have ever heard? Let me know in the comments!